It’s so easy for me to get mad at someone but I often get to the point thirty seconds later where I don’t care anymore. I’ve had moments where I have been prone to anger easily but one thing I’m grateful for is the ability to calm down. I chose not to say get over because that’s still a process for me as it’s easy for me to hold resentments. For the longest time, I didn’t think this was true but it is.
Saying sorry for me can be for the sole purpose of making me feel better. There is nothing worse than that pit in my stomach after I feel guilty and no matter the costs sometimes I lose focus by trying to feel righteous again. One of my biggest character flaws is that I’m always looking for people to like me. The funny part is I spend most of my life no liking me so why would others.
If I’m working an 8th and 9th step making a list then dealing with amends I often have to work hard to remember myself. I often pick on me harder than anyone else although the more I beat myself down the less I strive to accomplish things. Criticism doesn’t help me so If i treat myself that way I feel I’m more likely to be generous with others.
Everything goes back to how I see myself and if I’m going to truly grow I have to take notes and learn along the way. I feel that I play a part in everything that happens around me both good and bad. My higher power has put me there for a reason so acceptance has been a key for me to move forward on my journey.
I guess what i’m trying to say is how I am towards myself greatly reflects on others. It seems complicated but really it’s simple. Making amends it’s totally for me to move forward but it’s also the right thing to do. I just have to make sure I’m in a right place before I reach out to another person. Otherwise it may not be genuine.