I’ll admit that I can get addicted to the Drama in my life. For the longest time if there wasn’t something bad going on I looked for the opportunity to make something go wrong. Let’s just say I was a backwards individual, even though honestly I don’t feel that I knew any better.
I like to imagine fishing with a lure. I get so excited seeing the fish come out of the water to bite anything I threw in no matter how ridiculous it looked. I felt the same as those fish in the pond ready to strike at the first flash of hostility. Looking back at these times I’m surprised anyone gave me the time of day. I was crazy.
I realize today that being in dysfunctional relationships enhanced some of my defense systems. I was doing exactly what I had seen around me. If I didn’t understand something I would yell at it or question it in to submission otherwise I felt like I was not doing my part. I never realized that I was making a situation worse.
Time has been the only cure to unraveling the mess that had become my life. I had to get to a point where I was tired of being angry all the time. I mean I didn’t feel like an angry person yet my actions said other wise.
The hard part of my recovery has been setting boundaries. I’m the type of person who never wants to miss out on anything and it has been a tough pill to swallow that somethings are none of my business. This may sound corny but I’ve had to find my Inner Peace. I’ve had to learn that when I feel tempted to intervene I have to pray about it and sometimes the only action I can take is to LET IT GO.