I was asked a funny question the other night. Someone asked me when I began to feel a difference in my life after starting a recovery program. I used to hate these type of questions but now days I just seem to go with the flow knowing that there is with a buzzer waiting to interject and say that is an “incorrect answer”.
For me it took a while to see the changes kind of like working out. I have never went to the gym and immediately seen results. Most times after I’ve been sticking to a work routine I’m caught off guard when I look in the mirror getting out of the shower one day.
I’m finding more and more just to trust my recovery program. I don’t try to keep score on behaviors as if judging form in an Olympic diving contest. I know that if I put in the work I have a better chance of reacting different during a crisis.
For me recovery has not been about becoming a new person. Instead it’s been getting to know and embrace who I am. I understand that the more I accept my character flaws and set boundaries with situations that may be sticky, I’m more likely to keep my serenity.
Victory for me is defined by the ability to stay close to calm in the midst of chaos. Sometimes emotions are going to be an impulse reactions but the more I’m aware of how I react in certain situations I’m better equipped to side step what used to sack me in the back field for a loss.
The great thing about recovery is there is not time line to get better and every one has their own Higher Power go guide them. I do believe 12 step programs are essential in my life but I completely understand and respect others who find their own way. This statement alone has taking me quite some time to say but today I’m learning that all I can control is me and what someone else does is not my business.
In Recovery I find happiness more frequently because I know that It’s with in myself rather than seeking it out in a world full of things I don’t understand.